From Wreckage to Wonder

I thought I would start this little corner with my origin story. I wasn't always an energy worker, and I never thought that this is where I would land (as my son said to me one day, "This isn't the plot twist I ever would have expected for you" haha). Life has a funny way of putting you exactly where you're supposed to be though, in spite of the kicking and screaming.

Before I dive in, fair warning: this part’s heavy. It’s a huge turning point in my life, and honestly, it’s impossible to talk about what I do now without touching it. It wasn’t pretty or polished, and it didn’t start on a mountaintop or at a retreat. It began while I was spinning out of control.

A couple of years ago, I’d found myself, once again, wrestling with my relationship with alcohol. This wasn’t my first rodeo, and I was painfully aware of exactly where I was. I missing sober me - the clear, grounded version - and I was clawing my way back, convinced this was the time it would finally stick.

But just as I was starting to feel hopeful again, finally seeing a little light at the end of the tunnel, I was violated.

I was too shaky in my recovery to handle that kind of blow, and it sent me straight back into the abyss of self-destruction; I was completely destroyed on levels I didn’t even know existed. There’s not much I remember from those next few months, aside from the fact that I completely unraveled. My drinking got much worse than it had ever been, and I slowly stopped showing up for life. Somewhere deep down, I think I just wanted to disappear.

Eventually, my body said enough. I landed in the hospital, absolutely wrecked. Five days I spent, hooked up to IVs and morphine drips. Somewhere in that haze, a voice inside of me quietly decided I wanted to live. So I got sober.

You know, there’ve been a couple of other times I’ve been on this ride, and that sober pivot has always shown up pretty much immediately in my life. Positivity everywhere. Opportunities landing in my lap. Relationships mending themselves. Things would seriously just come up roses. Not gonna lie, I was really excited to feel that again. I fantasized about it, waited for it, counted on it.

But that’s not what happened this time.

Nothing really got better, aside from the fact that I wasn’t drinking and could finally remember my days, but they weren’t days worth remembering. My anxiety spiked. My OCD went feral. My quirks and twitches blew up into full-blown warning signs of mental illness. My head became an echo chamber for every awful thought it could scrape together. Did I mention the anxiety??

I was a train wreck. It was everything I had in me to make it to work, and outside of that I was pretty worthless. I had moments where thought I was going to end up in a mental hospital. I remember thinking, over and over again, at some point this has to turn around, right? One month sober. Two. Six. Nothing shifted. No peace, no joy, no light. Just this stripped-down version of life where, yeah, I was sober; but I was far from OK.

By six months in, I figured maybe I’d blown through my last wave of grace. That the universe had already given me my second chances, and this was all I had left.

And then, right when I’d finally given up on the idea that anything would ever change, I met her. A woman who worked with energy in a way I couldn’t explain started showing up on my Facebook feed, advertising her services. I can't remember exactly what her ads even said. I saw the words "trauma" and "healing" and thats all I needed to see. 

What she offered wasn’t therapy, and it sure as hell wasn’t religion. It was something more ancient and raw. It was ceremony, conversation, honesty. As we began to get into the work, there it was, finally. A spark.

I went to her originally because I had wanted to shake off what had happened to me; to scrape the pain out of my bones and get free from the energy that had infected me and leeched into every corner of my being. But what the next several weeks brought was something far deeper. Elemental. Like the work had reached down into the architecture of who I was and started rearranging it.

Every wound I thought I’d healed, every story I swore I had made peace with, well, it turns out I’d just buried them. We were exhuming the graveyard of my past. And piece by piece, I started realizing how much of my life had been built on pain I’d never actually faced.

Through those ceremonies, I started telling my story out loud: the parts I’d buried, the ones I was sure no one could ever hold. It was brutal. Honest. Strangely sacred. And something in me started to wake up.

Through that process, as my stories began to unfold, Reiki found me. It spoke through the voice of my own healer, telling me, “Sisu, you know you have the path of a healer.”

Now, let me break here for a second and be real with you. Reiki was one thing that I always kind of scoffed at. As much as I rave about alternative healing, I never found myself able to take it seriously, or give it any credence. I was, honestly, a complete skeptic.

Until *that* moment. When she looked at me and said, “Have you ever thought about becoming an energy worker yourself?” every part of me lit up, and my soul was suddenly on fire. Something deep inside said, this is it, Sisu. This is what everything has led to. This is the reason.

I’d said it so many times over the years, through all the chaos and heartbreak and pain, there’s got to be a reason for all of this. I can’t just be the universe’s personal bullseye. One day, it’s going to make sense.

And right there, in that moment, it did.

That moment shifted everything. Not in some instant-enlightenment way, but in a quiet, cellular way. Like the gears of my life finally caught, and I could feel something start to move again. And away I went.

I threw myself into study, into practice, into learning everything I could: breathwork, energy work, the mindful practice of Ho‘oponopono, the way thoughts become things and how mindset shapes reality. I’ve been witnessing it in action; in myself and others. I'm constantly amazed at the wonders that I see that this work is capable of. And I'm here to bring it to the table for anyone who’s looking for more.

Because let’s be real; healing and growth often ask for something beyond a weekly therapy session. Don’t get me wrong, talk therapy is incredible for building awareness. It shines a light on where the pain lives. But then what? What do we do with that awareness? How do we transmute all of that realization into movement, action, change?

I’m honored to be in a place where I can help you figure that out. I’m still on my own ride, too. I don’t know everything, and I’ve got layers and layers left to work through. I’m sure of it. I still fumble my way through this path just like everyone else.

What I do have is lived experience; proof that these practices work, in my life and in the lives of others. And that’s what this space is about: real people doing the work, falling apart, putting themselves back together, and somehow becoming softer and stronger in the process.

So whether you’re deep in your own unraveling or just starting to feel something shift, know this: you’re not doing it alone. We’re walking this one together, one messy, miraculous step at a time.

I’m so damn glad you’re here, part of this community, witnessing pieces of this ride with me.

🖤
Sisu
The Wild Alchemist

If you’ve experienced assault, trauma, or addiction and need support, please reach out.
You’re not alone, and there are people who genuinely want to help.

📞 National Sexual Assault Hotline: 1-800-656-4673 (24/7, confidential)
📞 SAMHSA National Helpline: 1-800-662-4357 (for addiction and recovery support, 24/7)
📞 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline: call or text 988 (24/7, free & confidential)